What if I reflect God’s love to people around me with almost no thought or recognition of it because when it happens, it is so natural within the experience that it is barely noticeable and nothing for which it would even occur to me to take credit. What if, in his mercy, God blinds me to my "progress," to keep me humble, allowing me only an occasional glimpse of blessings he bestows on others through me? What if that is not a conditional challenge, but a simple promise? What if “abiding" just means trusting that Jesus’ sacrifice for me is enough? What if, as I rest in that truth, God produces fruit in me, without my conscious effort? What if it’s not about my surrender and struggle, but just about resting in the belief that Jesus is enough? He says that, if we abide in God’s love, we will bear much fruit. Jesus, in John chapter 15, tells us that he is the vine and we are the branches. Here is what I’ve come to suspect, that my growth is none of my business. “Where is my growth, the outward evidence of my salvation?” “What is so wrong with me that even the gospel hasn’t freed me to be a better person? Now that the pressure to earn my salvation is off, why aren’t I being transformed?” I wondered as I gazed at my navel. Mine was still usually the smile-grit-your-teeth-and-do-your-duty, or, the people-please-so-they'll-like-you kind of love. I already knew, to my fig-leaf-hiding shame, that my love was definitely not the same kind of love God showed me. That sent me right back to square one: If I was saved, then, how much of “the same kind of love” that God had given me was I supposed to show? What if I wasn’t able to show that kind of love, was I even saved? Intellectually, I now knew that my salvation wasn’t dependent on showing love to my neighbor, but the impression I caught was that I would definitely show that kind of love to others if I was saved. Sometimes, however, my old, fearful Adam would hear people say that I was now freed by the gospel to show the same kind of love to my neighbor that I had been given and even though that sounded right, I felt my chest constrict. Eventually, however, after much study, I finally let myself fall into God’s grace. I was terrified to believe that, just in case I was mistaken and was damned for all eternity as a result. How hard did I need to try? How much goodness did I have to demonstrate before God would sadly accept my offering, pitiful as it was or, more importantly, when would I pass his “point”?įast forward to when I finally heard the gospel, in my early thirties.
I was never clear, however, what the exact conditions were or when I might reach that point. This left me with the sense that I was always a big disappointment to God, but that, because he was merciful, he would be nice to me anyway, under certain conditions, up to a certain point. The only hope offered to me was that God might cut me some slack if he saw that I was trying really hard. Therefore, if I do not reach that goal, it is only because I selfishly choose not to.
I was told that I both could and should be perfect, because God provides all the help, through the Holy Spirit, that I need in order to do so. I was spoon fed a strict diet of law served on a bed of threats. I did not grow up in a church that had a rich understanding of grace. This includes pausing our website orders for behind the scenes maintenance and more. Buyer beware in tags: 2 wds.As far back as I can remember, even as a small child, I have desperately tried to understand what God’s expectations or requirements are regarding my behavior. Youre patience is greatly appreciated while I work on some things for None Of Your Business Boutique._ but a scratch (Monty Python and the Holy Grail line) crossword clue.Like a well-chosen name? crossword clue.Vampire word in Hotel Transylvania crossword clue.Rapunzel's escaping tool crossword clue.Actress Merrill of BUtterfield 8 crossword clue.Randy _ former WWE wrestler who also released a rap album called Be a Man crossword clue.Stingy sort (anagram of rimes) crossword clue.Ava Max's _ Your Barbie Girl crossword clue.They are broken by criminals crossword clue.WWE wrestler who also released an album called You Can't See Me: 2 wds.Sheldon's Indian friend on The Big Bang Theory crossword clue.Part of i that may be replaced with a heart crossword clue.Put on a pedestal in a way crossword clue.Sound in a comic book fight crossword clue.Atlanta team that shoots hoops crossword clue.Organization for the Knicks and Clippers: Abbr.Former WWE wrestler who was also in the punk rock band The Luchagors crossword clue.
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